My Thoughts on 2nd Year

Hello Snarklings,

It’s been awhile since I last posted on here. School and personal (a subtle way of saying excruciating and emotional haha) obstacles got in the way. My 2nd year of college really set me and my plans back and I’m here to just get it off my chest.

DISCLAIMER: I will change certain names of people due to privacy reasons.

 

Last September (Fall term), the semester started like every other semester. I got into all the classes I wanted to be registered for (English, Psychology, History, and Organic chemistry), and I caught up with “fri-ENDS” that I made last year… Yeah, you can see where this is going. I tried to keep up and stay focused on studying but my loneliness started to get the best of me and well, I started to long for close intimate friendships. Long story short, the people that I thought had my back just threw me out like I was this disposable piece of garbage and that I was this inconvenience to their lives. I was extremely hurt and it took a toll on my mental health and overall self-esteem and made me question my self-worth and purpose.

Now, before I move on, I want you guys to know that what I tried to do was not a good idea whatsoever and I do warn you that this may be very triggering so just a heads up. Around December (just know that I was basically failing a lot of my classes) I decided to commit self-harm. My reason? I wanted my hidden unforeseeable pain to show up as actual real pain. I started posting it on certain social media platforms and got many concerning messages. Now, many of you are probably asking “Why couldn’t you go for help?” Needless to say, I tried many times in my life to go to therapy. I always thought it was just a temporary fix and that it wasn’t permanent. But, looking back. I want you guys to know that even though it may “feel temporary” it is worth it because it does motivate you to a point that it is possible to improve any mental condition. Now, trying to get help is the worse part. One of my so-called “ex-friends” actually had to tattle on me to the university that I was self-harming. I was mad for a few reasons. One, this person left me for other people when I needed this person the most. Two, I was heartbroken that I was going through a breakup up someone who played with my feelings and my “fri-END” took that person’s side.

What made it worse was that I tried to go through the counseling sessions but it kind of turned into a different direction. Instead of dealing with the friendship and relationship problems it went straight to talking about my really tough and unprivileged childhood, with abuse and neglect. So, although it was an okay experience, it didn’t really help at easing my pain. I did learn a new reflective technique though. The school’s therapist and I made a collage out of magazines to show how I felt deep inside. It was a way to replace the need to self-harm to show my pain physically. And as time-consuming it was, it actually did the same effect. My collage had a mountain with a Cross on the top (signifying that the people from school wanted to crucify me like what the people did to Jesus). I felt like I was an innocent person (like Jesus) who was being targeted for no logical reason besides one person’s strong dislike for me. I verbalized that I feel disconnected and hurt and that I felt like I was sinning because true Christians don’t suffer. True Christians don’t get depressed and that they usually make the best of adversity and triumph over issues like these. My therapist said that this wasn’t a very realistic expectation to have (she’s right; I can’t just relieve my problems by simply “being a Christian”). So, I decided to go on a self-healing journey which evidently brought me here today.

What really ticks me off was that the person that I had an intimate relationship with knows about my mental health problems and that person is even the Vice-President of a mental health awareness group (ironic right?). Yet, this person thought I was using my mental health as a way to “trap them into being with me”… All I can say is some snakes just can’t hold their venom in their mouths… I was broken yeah, and this moment made me realize that some people, even when they’re supposed to know, just don’t get it. I mean you would think that this person would have known not to do that to me with their background but actions speak louder than words. I learned more about evil, tolerance, perseverance, grace, and persecution than what I learned in O-Chem on synthesis and elimination, hydrogenation, or any other time consuming mechanism. I guess I can say that people who were meant to help me were doing the opposite. I just don’t understand how they sleep at night because of it. Once I saw this tweet, I prayed so hard for God to take my life. And every waking morning when I opened my eyes, I always got disappointed that I was going to live for another day. I have to breathe another breath, I have to get up and live. I always asked myself “why do I have to get up and live again when it’s way too painful to live, let alone and trying to live a happy life that I was deprived of.

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Life has been very grueling and interesting. One reason, so much change in just one school year. I questioned my sanity and my strength to pursue medicine (I mean who wouldn’t after going through so much trauma). My GPA fell from 3.5 to a mind-blowing 2.7 (out of a 4.0 scale). I’m basically just trying my best to make the best of it and just focus on school and perhaps just repeat a lot of the classes that I got C’s in and get back on track. I did volunteer work last year summer with Let’s Talk Science and I miss showing kids the fun side of science. I’ve been doing a lot of meditation and self-love to get my mental fitness back to health and trying every strength I have to not self-harm. I know that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel, but just trying to get by is super hard and it’s a really long road. The only positive thing that I learned from this experience is that I’m going to be a much stronger person because of this painful experience.

I’m so sorry if this post wasn’t positive but I cannot stay hidden and pretend that my life is happy all the time. Unfortunate times do happen. Depression happens. And perhaps I will get better somewhere along the way.

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CPR Training

Hello, Snarklings!

So if you’re pre-med or anything health related i.e nursing, paramedic, dental, etc. You have to go through some sort of CPR training program which is actually a non-academic requirement in many of the admissions to professional schools in health. I’ve taken first aid and CPR training before (back in my lifeguard days haha) so I felt like it was time to upgrade to a more intense form of CPR.

To tell you honestly, I felt so weird clicking on the CPR HCP (Health Care Provider) option when I was registering online. It was something that I never thought I would do until I became interested in health and medicine. I did it anyway and I honestly enjoyed it.

I did mine at the Winnipeg First Aid on 222 Osborne Street. The class was 8 hours (but we finished it in 5-6 hours) and it provided me the skills needed in critical situations.

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The instructor was really funny, informative, and concise. He helped me whenever I needed clarification.

Overall, I felt happy and proud that I have the knowledge to help and stabilize people in need and I hope that once I get into medical school this attitude grows and continues so that I can save more lives.

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My Take on the MCAT

Hello, Snarklings!

So, I’m currently on Summer vacation between my first year and second year of undergrad and I want to spend some time letting you guys know how I plan on studying for the MCAT.

What is covered in the MCAT and how do they relate to your pre-req classes?

As you all know that bulk of the MCAT is divided into 4 sections that overlap each other so it’s important to note that many of these sections are related to your medical school pre-requisite courses like:

  • First-year biology, general chemistry, English
  • Second-year organic chemistry (and Psychology/Sociology courses)
  • Third-year biochemistry

How do you revise for the MCAT?

So what I prefer to do is to annotate and make review notes with whatever review books that you’re using. For me, I’m using the Princeton review (however, my other friends use Kaplan; Kaplan is also a great review book too). Although that I do not plan on taking the MCAT anytime soon, I believe that revision during the Summer for the courses or classes that you took in your academic year is great for retention! Let’s face it, in three years from now, you won’t really remember that much of what happened in your first or second year pre-req courses heck, you probably won’t remember anything after you take the final exam for that course (Like me haha). As I review the Princeton Review for the MCAT, I start re-calling what I learned and it’s been helping tremendously and by the time I take the MCAT I will be more than ready.

Taking some notes on the MCAT from the Princeton Review subject books

How do you practice and improve?

I also advise practicing since reviewing the concepts are not good enough… So the short little quizzes at the end of each section help to reinforce the concepts reviewed. I also suggest that you buy a work book like Examcrackers or the AAMC question packets for practice! In addition to that, I suggest buying the AAMC’s practice exams as well or the UWorld MCAT Qbank to mimic the exam conditions of the MCAT. Currently, I’m using the Princeton Review Science Workbook (I got a used one from amazon and had it shipped!)

The Princeton Review Science Workbook
I like using tabs to show which sections I need to work on based on what I learned in the year

 

So I hope that this is informative and that it gives you a rough idea of one way of studying (since everyone is different and you should find something that works for you). Since I just started this process, I will continue to find new ways and I’ll keep you guys updated so remember to follow/subscribe to my blog and if you want to ask me about the study resources that I’m using, just comment or email me (you can find my email on my about me page).